Real Life

Real Life...I have thought alot about the freedom of "real life" lately From one who has known first hand the burden and pride associated with being a people pleaser, this journey into freedom is not only an eye opening one, but just plain liberating. I am pretty sure I am at the very beginning of this journey and have people like my mom as a goal to aim for...a woman who walks in true freedom from the fear of men, if she knows she is right with the Lord and her family she handles the rest of "life" with this gracious sort of freedom, walking in true humility with not even a trace of an image and the "realness" of her life and love for Jesus serves to attract people to her, like bees to honey. Genetically, she passed not even an ounce of that to me!!! If we are honest with ourselves though...aren't we drawn to reality, drawn to something we can identify with from those who are brave enough to just say "This is who I am and let me tell you about this Jesus" I mean it can be enjoyable to read or hear beautiful words expressed, painting perfect lives, families, homes, ministries, marriages, relationships, parenting, friendships...I like perfect, but I am not drawn to perfect, because there is nothing in "perfect" that I can relate to and honestly the older I get, the less I am drawn to "perfect" I'm liking raw glorious realness these days...because in realness for me is change, life altering, Christ filled change,
My whole life I have been a do it by the book kind of girl, I liked living within the confines of a box ( it's safe there, you know) and think I thought (did you get that) that I had it pretty figured out ( in a humble way of course) the right words flowed, my life would naturally fall into line with "the plan" and I could continue saying the right words and having it figured out for years to come....I mean don't get me wrong, my relationship with the Lord was absolutely authentic and there were many times of true breaking in my life...good stuff, really hard stuff, but my fall back or at least what was between the lines of life was this consuming people pleasing. Kind of ridiculous, a major waste of time and most of all bondage the Lord has been determined to set me free from...it's been a long time coming and He is so good!!
So real life....could I just glorify the Lord and say...let me tell you about this Jesus...no matter what front I put on, I am as real as it gets, and the testimony of my life, is that the love of God has reached down and redeemed me from my self and plucked me right out of that comfortable box and He never walks away, no matter how undesirable I get. It makes me want to run up one of these beautiful mountains that surrounds Antigua, run to the very top, throw my hands in the air and shout to the world "I don't know the answers any more" I am the one who falls short of the grace of God daily.He's the One Who is faithful every morning. He's the One Who brings compassion and redemption for "lost causes" He's the One Who delights in mercy. He's the One Who heals, forgives, redeems, comforts, saves, purifies, fills, changes, loves...it's Him...it's all Him! So if you wonder who I am....I am the one, who blows it, reacts in the flesh, stresses over the lack of being able to pull this crazy busy life off perfectly, the one who cries easily after a long exhausting day, the one with the pride, the one who gets so busy and looks up and realizes that she hasn't spent any time with the Lord that day, the one who needs help, struggles with fear and letting go of control, flops at least once a day as a mother, the one who doesn't have the answers anymore...I'm the girl who is shedding the image, I'm the one who needs Jesus.....I am the one who He is teaching to walk in the freedom of desperation. I never knew it could be this good and I have never in my life loved Him more